Dear Editor,   

October 13, 2026 — In a recent Samoa news article, the story focused on the alleged sexual assault of a 15-year-old girl, and why every parent, grandparent, teacher, church leader, and community member in American Samoa should be worried.

When I see Samoa News articles, like this, I often ask myself:  Are we teaching our daughters the difference between someone who really cares for them, and someone whose attention places them in harm’s way?  And how committed are we to teaching our sons to respect the boundaries of our young women?

What we know: Young Girls are Still Learning About Relationships

The adolescent brain continues to develop at the age of 15, particularly in the areas centered on judgement, emotions and decision-making, per the National Institute of Mental Health.

For parents it is important that they teach their young children, attention is not always affection. For our young girls who meet a boy or man who showers her with attention, we need to talk to them about manipulation, and sexual pressure. 

Our young people still need guidance, while they are still developing. This can help them to identify risky behavior, which can be done when parents, family members, and communities talk to their children, or community youth openly about relationships, boundaries and consent. We must talk about consent and remind them that it always is about respect.  When you allow someone into your home, or space, like someone, or accept affection, that does not mean you agree to sexual activity.  

Saying no must always mean no.

Research shows us that WE MUST Teach Safety Without Creating Shame. 

We need to teach our kids more than just rules. Our kids MUST understand why rules exist which can be done through conversations. Teach your children to identify when attention is unsafe. When someone tells you to “keep a secret”, or keeps asking you, or does not respect your boundaries, is not showing genuine care. 

Setting boundaries must start at home. 

Our children need to identify unsafe situations, like inviting a visitor into your home, or bedroom, particularly without your parents, or family members’ knowledge.  Parents must also remember, that when a family rule is broken, your child is not at fault for sexual assault. Make sure that your children are safe to tell the truth. Sexual assault victims are less likely to report unwanted touching, threats, or sexual pressure as youth, because they could not tell a trusted adult without being ashamed or blamed or beaten.

Our Samoan Culture needs to protect victims, not silence them.

We are taught alofa (love), fa’aaloalo (respect), and the need to protect our aiga (family). But when we are more concerned about family reputation or what others will say, it can stop victims from reporting any sexual harm.  In those moments it is crucial to remember:

1.     Stop blaming victims.  Rather than asking the young girl why she opened the door, or allowed someone into her bedroom, focus on the fact that someone failed to respect her boundaries. No means No.
2.     Teach our sons accountability.  Because you are sexually attracted, does not give any boy or man the right to force themselves, or take advantage of another person.
3.     Protect children before violence happens.  Children should learn about healthy relationships, and what respect and consent is before they experience harm. 

What Must Change?

CDC Rape Prevention Education reminds us to prevent sexual violence this happens long before the assault happens.  It’s necessary to talk to our young people.  I encourage family members to strengthen family communication and teach your kids to challenge attitudes that excuse or allow harmful behavior to happen.  For parents here are some reminders:

·      Our daughters must know their value, and it is not measured by the attention they receive from boys or men.
·      Our sons must understand respect, which is to accept people’s boundaries, even when they are disappointed, or rejected.
·      Our community must embrace that the responsibility for sexual assault must be placed on the person who commits it, not ever the victim.

Instead of asking the young girl, “Why did she open the door”, we should start asking, “have we opened the door to education, trust and protection that our children need”.

When it comes to protecting our children, all conversations begin at home, through lessons in our schools, and a community willing to replace shame with understanding and accountability.

Sincerely,
Jennifer F. Tofaeono, Executive Director
American Samoa Alliance against Domestic & Sexual Violence